Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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