He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
