We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
