never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
