It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
