I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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