ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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