btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
