my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
