bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
