There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
