as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
