he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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