Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
