is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
