the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
