the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
