Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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