His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
