Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
