My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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