I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
