Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
