You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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