Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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