The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
