i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
