JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
