Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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