he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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