He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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