I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
