She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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