either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
