if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
