So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
