Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
