everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
