So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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