He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
