I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
