You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
