He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
