I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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