I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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