you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My dick has a subreddit
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
