first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
