Your face is a jimmy john
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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