I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
