Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
